After five months of living and learning a new language, I breathe somewhat easier with the knowledge that my language skills have improved over the course of this time enough that any sort of multilingualism I may possess has become more tangible to myself almost as much as it seems to be to others. But what that really means is that I have grown an awareness of what exactly it means to be multilingual in practical usage, just such a thing no longer being only a theoretical concept that is not in use except in a classroom or as a topic of light conversation. Using multiple languages each day has opened up new approaches to the task of learning them, forcing me to realize the extent to which I can actually speak other languages versus simply being a good student of them. Being surrounded each day by individuals who are using English as a second language has given me somewhat more insight into the expectations one may have of other individuals speaking their language; I find myself in the role not just of communicating with my friends and acquaintances, but also in the perpetual role of being a teacher, explaining words and colloquialisms, phrases and grammar, that seem to me quite simple but to those not otherwise familiar clearly does not make sense. Taking this in reverse, I understand my position as a non-native speaker in each language in which I command some level of proficiency – taken in this light, my fear of speaking incorrectly is shed and in its stead I find myself more concerned about having the adequate means of expressing the thought of which I am trying.
This became readily apparent to me in Paris, being there as I was functioning entirely in French — if not perfectly expressive French, mind, but indeed in no other language — and passing my time and interactions in a manner somewhat similar to that in which I find myself when interacting with people who speak English not necessarily well, but adequately enough to keep talking to them. "Tu parles très bien français!" is the equivalent to the "your English is very good, really!" which we never cease to tell foreign speakers as we listen to them excuse their deficiencies in saying something because their English is poor. Indeed, even in Portuguese, "estás a falar português muito bem!" is not so much to say that I am speaking Portuguese that well, it is just an encouragement to keep doing so. When in Paris, my French grew and retooled itself both to catch up from not having used it and also because I was learning so very many words and connotations in context, I learned the very painfully obvious lesson of the necessity of being around only that language in which you would like to be speaking or learning in order to do so. While I have learned a remarkable amount of Portuguese in the five months I have been here, my lack of being continually surrounded by it has inhibited my capabilities to speak.
Happily, to this end, I have found myself these last weeks much more surrounded by Portuguese than I had otherwise been, the seminar in Brussels being a crowd of Portuguese students (save, more or less, myself and one other) speaking in their native language and switching into English only occasionally, as well as various times in which my group dynamic has shifted to a majority of Portuguese speakers who are confortable in the knowledge that I understand what is going on and can speak their language, switching to English only when directly addressing me or when it becomes convenient. I can leave Portugal now knowing that I will not drown if I am not speaking my own language and that those who enjoy my company still do so even when I am less talkative because I am absorbing their language and not imposing my own to dominate the social order. In such situations, I become the student in place of the teacher of language, and I derive no small pleasure in doing so each time this barrier cracks and it happens without feeling forced or unnatural. This, I believe, will be the only way I can come to feel comfortable enough to just speak casually in Portuguese the way I do in French. Time is the only other factor that is necessarily, in which we will see what will happen. I have six months of down time now, so it would incumbent on me to make good use of it.
