Things Not to Do, from Leaving to Landing

1. Eat 500 calories worth of fries and nothing else before boarding.
2. Run to the restroom only when boarding is getting started instead of in the two hours you had prior to that.
3. Burn yourself on British Airways' thermonuclear chicken tikka.
4. Forget to bring any writing utensils for use over the next several months, thus being unable to write letters or thank you notes on the plane.
5. Nearly forget to take your overhead carryon bag with you when transferring terminals.
6. Spend £17 on wireless internet access at the airport during a layover.
7. Spend £6 on a mediocre "beef samosa wrap", which is really just a wrap filled with overcooked beef, a little curry powder, and flavorless vegetables.
8. Trip on the stairs leading from the plane to the overcrowded shuttle.
9. Say "thank you" to all of the Portuguese people when you know more than four words of their own language.
10. Drink an entire bottle of wine the night you arrive.